The day had finally arrived.
It was a day that had been marked on her calendar for a while now, and it was a day that she thought about all too much. It was the day that she would finally be leaving this orphanage, the day she will finally be able to go and live somewhere else. The freedom from the torment of the rest of the children, from her bitter sorrow, couldn’t have come any sooner. Surely as soon as she stepped out of the front door of this orphanage, she would be happy again, free to live a happy life that was promised to every filly as they grew up. She would find her place in life and finally be able to settle down, and feel like she belonged.
And as she packed her small saddlebag with the few things that she did own, Jewel let out a small sigh, looking up at that calendar on the far wall once more. Today, the day marked with a capital ‘J’... as she stared at this letter, in it’s blocky, thick lines, she could feel what felt like a heavy, writhing blanket descending upon her mind, freezing her mind onto one track. She could not think of anything else other than the fact that today was actually here. She closed her eyes tight, a small tear running down her cheek, dampening the malachite coat that had seen it’s days of being washed many times with multitudes of tears.
Today was the day that most orphans longed for: the day they could leave with the foster family that came for them, and come to live a normal life.
Nopony came for Jewel. Not for eighteen years.
For eighteen years, she watched as couples walked into the orphanage, watching the children playing and talking to them, trying to figure out for themselves which child would be ‘right’ for them. Jewel watched as the active, happy kids practically walked out as if the front door was a revolving door as they immediately found new homes, waiting patiently for the day when she would be able to look up to two grown up ponies and call them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. The years went by, and she became older and older, and the number of children being picked over her was starting to weigh on her mind.
After ten years in the orphanage, her outlook on life suddenly became very real. If nopony ever came for her, she would eventually not be a little filly anymore. Soon she will be a teenager, and then an adult herself, having grown up entirely within these four cold walls, sleeping amongst children who avoided her, mocked her, called her names, and generally made life here unbearable, but there is no such thing as an orphaned adult. Her time was past, her chance to be with a family that could make her happy was over.
And now, as she looked at the small bed that she had slept in for the past eighteen years, that same twin bed with the smiling sun on its sheets and the equally happy pillow, she could not help but ask herself what now Jewel...? What was she to do? Nopony ever has ever shown her what the real world is like; the whole objective of the nursing staff here at the orphanage was to at least keep the children happy as they transitioned between families, and keep mental scarring and sadness to a minimum. There is only so much a small rabble of orphanage mothers can do to ease the mind of one who was becoming self aware though, and realization of what has happened to oneself and why they are here can set in harshly. Nopony wanted Jewel, not even her biological parents.
“Jewel…” came a hushed tone from the door leading to the front area. Of course it was calling for her, all of the other children had been sent outside to play, giving Jewel time to pack up and leave without causing too much of a fuss amongst the children. Not like they’d notice anyway. Without turning her head to look at the voice--she already knew which Mother it belonged to--she mumbled loud enough to hear, “Yes Mother, just… give me some more time… please.” If only I had more time… if only I could be what ponies were looking for… if only I could wait for my parents to come get me…
“Jewel, there isn’t much time left…” the Mother trailed off as Jewel turned her head to look at her, getting a chance to look upon the face of reluctance and despair. It wasn’t the first time this mother, or any of the other staff had seen those quartz pink eyes glisten with tears, and they have all come to deal with it their own way, but this time, she had to give pause. There was a sense of inevitability, of finality in that look that she gave. Unavoidable despair, unwillingness to go forward, regrets, unrealized wishes, a life of being denied the one thing that she wanted… all in one look.
Without another word, lest the Mother start tearing up herself, she gestured for Jewel to follow, and as hesitant as Jewel was to go, she followed obediently. The malachite pony kept her gaze to the floor as she walked, empty saddlebag slung over her flank as she walked out of the front door, held open for her by the Mother her was showing her out.
As soon as she was outside, Jewel turned around to look at the one holding the door open once more, giving her a glance of hopelessness before staring back at the ground quietly. “So, here we are Jewel… time for you to go and become a part of society. I wish you the best of luck in finding a place in life, and hope for all the best for you. Please, come by every so often. This place is going to be very different without you, you know--”
“Why...?” came a plaintive mewl from under Jewel’s breath, her voice trembling as drops of tears plummeted from her face to the ground.
Somewhat taken aback by the uncharacteristic interruption, the Mother began, “... well, you are the one every mother here knew best, and--” She was interrupted again as Jewel asked, “No… why? Why did nobody want me?” The two ponies paused awkwardly as the question hung in the air before the Mother sighed in a sense of finality and said, “I don’t know Jewel, I ask myself the same and in all honesty, I can’t give you an answer. It happens, and sometimes, it happens to the best of us. There is nothing we can do about it but keep moving on with our lives.”
The Mother leaned against the front door as Jewel stood in silence, occasionally heaving her shoulders as little uncontrolled sobs escaped her before she was eventually embraced, more out of sympathy than anything. The Mother could not imagine what it must be like to feel truly unwanted, so she had no way to make her feel any better, but there were ways to help cover the pain, and at least keep her comfortable. “Shhh…” she tried shushing, “now is not the time to be thinking about what has come to pass. If I could turn time backwards for you to give you a second or third chance, I would do it in a heartbeat, but we are only mortals, sent to play out our roles in this little stage play of a life of ours, and yours is a story that is still only just beginning. There is so much more for you to look forward to now… here, don’t tell anyone else but I think you deserve this…”
From behind her back, the matron levitated a stuffed teddy bear, the familiar worn cloth looking as though it was freshly washed, with new stuffing added to it and previous holes sewn back up. This was the teddy bear that Jewel had spent most of her life with, and it had shared many of her hardships with her, so it was only fair for her to at least be able to share any more she had with it, if to at least help her feel better. Jewel accepted the gift with a meek smile, cradling the stuffed animal in her foreleg as she looked upon the familiar button-eyed face. It was so strange how a stuffed bear could take so much punishment, so much abuse, absorb so many tears, lose so much of itself over the course of its little existence in the world, yet still hold onto the dignity that it had had since it was created.
After hugging the teddy bear to herself, she embraced the Mother once more, who then took the bear and placed it in the very empty saddlebags for her before saying, “I think you were the only one who had held onto it for that long. I think that qualifies as being allowed to keep it.” Jewel remained quiet for a while, the good feeling of getting the lost toy back doing little to calm her turbulent, despairing mind, but it still felt nice. At least there was this one thing that she could find solace in. “What do I do now, Mother? I don’t know what to do now,” was the question that came from Jewel, still so innocent and unsure of herself.
“Look for a job, Jewel,” said the Mother plainly, “make yourself a resume just like I shown you, make enough copies to give to as many businesses as you can, and find yourself a source of income. If you can, find yourself a place to live. I know you don’t know most of the ponies in this town who would be willing to take you in, but look at bulletin boards for listings of ponies looking for roommates. Most will accept you if you at least have a job. If that fails though…” the Mother paused and pointed down a street, “there is always the homeless shelter down the street there. They will let you stay the night if you cannot find a home.”
With a solemn nod, Jewel mumbled, “Okay… goodbye, Mother. Thank you for taking care of me all these years…” the fact that she would miss this place, even despite all the terrible experiences that she had, was evident in her shaking voice, punctuated by an odd sniffle every so often. She began making her way down the street, her back finally turning on the orphanage that she would no longer be living in anymore. Despite what the Mother told her, Jewel still did not know what she was supposed to do. Her entire life had been so sheltered and secluded this entire time, the idea of getting a job was still so foreign. What would she be expected to do? What if she didn’t like it? What if it was something that she’d have to live with for the rest of her life. She looked around at the different store fronts: The Joke Shop, The Boutique, Sugarcube Corner, the Library, markets and grocery stores, a tailoring and blacksmithing shop, various restaurants specializing in breakfast, lunch, and supper… what was she to start with.
She soon found herself in the park, a quiet place where she could at least sit and think for a while. That bench off in the shade of one of the trees looked inviting to her, so she immediately walked over to it, sitting herself down as she looked about. What was she to do? Of all the things she had to her name now, it was a stuffed bear, a few sheets of paper, a pencil, and enough bits to maybe get something to eat, hopefully.
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