Author Topic: This Dish is Killer  (Read 191 times)

Offline Darrus

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This Dish is Killer
« on: September 04, 2015, 01:24:47 pm »
Been a bit since Darrus had taken the time to just take a leisurely stroll down the streets of Ponyville. His usual hang out (The Guiding Light) was temporarily closed for some reason or another, AJ was off to visit some family, and his chores were done on the farm, so he'd been left with few options aside from just explore the town and see what he could get up to. Not the worst idea, he'd come to realize, what with how the place tended to have something nuts happen more regularly than the sunrise a short walk could be a gosh dang full blown adventure. Nothing so far though, his passing by the various little homes and shops of the town he'd become surprisingly comfortable with amounting little more than the occasional greeting from passers-by.

It still felt weird for Darrus to actually know more than a couple of people in a town even of this small a size considering how rarely he'd ever stuck around to any particular place for more than a short spell. But stuck he had, and not be miserable because of it he also somehow had. Perhaps cause of adventure finding him here instead of him finding adventure, maybe was just a pleasant place to be, or mehbe something a bit more personal and private, but whatever the reason he didn't see himself leaving any time soon.

Maybe.

A small amateur band played around with strings and drums nearby as he turned a corner and passed a flower shop, the smell and sounds almost inspiring one to music themselves. Actually, you know what? Screw it. He hadn't sung in a while - weeks even! - and he was just in the right mood to do so now. The sun was shining, his cloak was keeping him cool as was the summer breeze that was slowly dropping into a fall one, and the band was already playing. Bobbing his head, Darrus took in a breath...

"I-"

Then the wall of the diner nearby exploded, showering him with some wooden shrapnel and causing him to lift a wing to shield his face from the downpour. Once the worst was past he allowed himself a peek at what was going on, the nearby residents of the town flipping out, a few running in literal small circles and screaming while a couple of others simply reared back and flailed their front hooves out of confused panic, eyes shut tightly so as not to even witness what was going on. Another was repeatedly bucking the wall of the building in some attempt at defending themselves from what was happening, and another was still enjoying their meal at one of the tables outside the shop, the possibility of him being deaf lending credence to his lack of a response to everything around him.

So... more or less the usual response to chaos around here.

"Mmmmmmkay," Darrus mumbled to himself, taking off in a light hover to gain a better view from above, the other ponies scurrying about beneath him as he tried to peer into the now gaping hole in the side of the building, "so the place blows up, the goobers go to code red and the cause is..."

Bread and... Cheese? A lot of cheese... and vegetables? Spilling out. Looked like... whats it called... Did someone just spill something or- oh, no wait! It was... moving? Yeah it definitely was moving. Or rather it was standing up. The bread and cheese was standing up. And boy did it stand! Almost as tall as the building itself! And it had a face made from vegetables.

"RAWWWWWWWWR!!!"

And it was roaring.

Awesome.

"Huegh?" Darrus sounded with a confused contortion of his features, him tilting his head as if that would help him understand what he was loo- Calzone! That's what the thing was! It was a calzone. Thing. A standing calzone thing that was roaring- so now we're back to being confused.

The creature - which smelled absolutely divine by the way - leaned it's cheesy head lower so as to direct another guttural roar towards the fleeing, circling, bucking and flailing ponies below, a few being blown away by the power behind such a vocalization while a couple of others just got splattered with some tomato sauce.

Darrus was certain there was a story here. He had no idea where to begin with his guessing. He also was only now just realizing how hungry he was, the calzone creature smashing away at the rest of the building around him as Darrus thought back to the few apples he'd had before heading out and- flying cheese!

A quick dip in the air to avoid the incoming wad of mozzarella being flung his way, it sailing past and splatting onto the roof of the coffee shop behind him. Darrus gave the creature a glare, though it went mostly unnoticed since it had returned itself to crushing all that pesky real estate keeping it from terrorizing the town proper.

"So," the pegasus said under his breath, "where to start..."

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Offline Jazz

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2015, 09:12:49 pm »
Jazz takes a sip of her coffee, eyeing the bag of sweets she'd recently picked up at a new candy shop her friend had sworn she needed to try. It being in Ponyville hadn't bothered her much, the trip actually proving to be quite the nice break from the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. She takes another sip of he coffee and pulls the bag over to herself, looking inside at the various confections inside. She hasn't tried one just yet, but all of them look, and smell, delicious. But what would go well with the coffee? She sifts through the bag with her magic, trying to decide just which of the sweets to try first. Maybe one of the caramels? Or perhaps one of those white-chocolate mints? Decisions, decisions... The white-coated mare taps her hoof along with the music playing in the background as she thinks, idly sipping at her drink. She's just decided to try one of the dark chocolates with chili when a loud *boom* sounds from across the street, and Jazz drops the coffee cup in surprise, spilling it all over the table she's sitting at. Several nearby ponies bolt for the door of the coffee shop, almost as though they'd had practice doing such a thing. Jazz isn't quite so quick on the uptake, and so is one of those who remains outside, though not quite as panicked as the rest appear to be. Her surprise quickly turns to confusion at the mound of pastry and melty cheese spilling out of the hole in the wall. Which then started moving, rising up and beginning to thrash around, flinging bits of cheese and cooked vegetables all along the street. Jazz has to quickly duck to avoid a block of mozzarella sailing past her head as the delicious looking monstrosity begins to smash the remaining walls of the diner. She takes a moment to glance back at the coffee shop, where somepony had turned the sign in the door around to read "Closed" and several faces were peering out through the relative safety of the windows. Nearby, an elderly stallion has apparently not noticed the commotion, being too absorbed in a crossword puzzle and seemingly unable to hear. With another look at the rampaging baked goods, Jazz takes off toward the older pony, dodging around a few tables and chairs. She's almost reached him when a particularly large glob of cheese sails toward the still unsuspecting senior. Jazz only just manages to save him from a cheesy fate by tossing a chair into the way of the blob, knocking it aside just enough to merely splatter the table instead. This proves to be enough to finally get the stallion's attention, and he looks up and blinks several times at the sudden food-based monster attack. Jazz reaches him, quickly helping the older pony on toward the shop door and keeping a look out for any more dangerous (yet tasty) projectiles. All the while the stallion is mumbling something or other about "Monsters these days", with Jazz catching several "Back in my day"s and other complaints as they walk.

Offline Ryo

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2015, 03:25:19 pm »
Ah, lunch breaks. The best part of every day at work on the farm for Ryo. She enjoyed working there, but that one longer break each day was simply the best. Ryo was slowly bobbing her head to a tune she had heard earlier, the earplugs she had decided to leave in her ears completely blocking off the talking voices of other ponies around her. Pepper did mention they were high quality, and would keep every single sound, no matter how loud, out of her eardrums. Ryo's tummy was loudly informing everyone around her, that it demanded food. Good for it, that the waiter just brought in her meal. Ryo gave the waiter a nod, and turned towards her food.

Ryo watched at the plate with watery mouth, feeling like she could eat a horse. Figuratively speaking, of course. Ryo lifted the metallic lid that had been placed on top of the tray to keep the food warm, but her first reaction to the delicious food in front of her was a disgusted frown, and made Ryo stick her tongue out at the food. There was cheese on it. CHEESE! Even though she had made a special order without cheese. Well, she could fix it with no problem. Ryo focused her magic at the food, her tongue now sticking out on the side of her mouth, showing that she was concentrating. She carefully extracted all the cheese from the meal, blocking the yellow, sticky and in her mind disgusting substance away from her food. Satisfied with her efforts, Ryo lifted the cheese now piled on few napkins up with her magic, and floated it to the nearest trash bin she could see, getting some awkward stares from other ponies eating feasting in the restaurant. Ryo picked up her fork with her magic, and began to eat.

But just as the first piece of delicious, cheeseless what-ever it's called without cheese food was about to reach her mouth, a horrible crash could be heard from other side of the building. Just as Pepper said, Ryo couldn't hear anything, but her table toppling over, and all the ponies on her field of vision suddenly fleeing in terror made Ryo very nervous for some reason. She tried to look outside from a nearby window, but couldn't see a thing. That was until she saw a huge yellow projectile flying through the air, Ryo instantly realizing it was cheese. She immediately remembered that fortune cookie from a week back, that said something like, "Don't trust your food" or something like that. Before she managed to act, Ryo noticed a sea of cheese quickly covering the floor, causing her to be trapped on her chair in the corner of the dining area. Despite wearing boots, Ryo couldn't touch cheese even with a ten foot pole. Well she was just moments ago very, very close to some cheese, but it was just a small amount. Not a sea of yellow doom. Ryo began to look around, quickly spotting a table that had not been cheesyfied yet, and she began to float it towards her. Maybe it's enough for her to leap to safety through the window, before the level of the cheese got too great for her to handle. And she wasn't even aware of the roaring cheese golem yet, still having the earplugs in. She had much more pressing matters at hoof than the ability to hear again. Once Ryo had dragged the table over, she slowly rose on top of it, sighing "Why did it have to be cheese...?" before she began to lean over and try to push the window open

Offline Darrus

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2015, 11:10:09 am »
Oozeing/crawling/climbing- whatever you want to call it, the calzone golem was managing to finally get free from the darn building keeping his mayhem ball from rolling, something the ponies scattered about the area found most distressing as their screams heightened in pitch just a touch. Darrus surveyed the scene a moment longer, the scent of cheese becoming pungent while the mess pouring from the restaurant began to engulf the street in front of the buildin. A couple of mares being bowled over by a small wave of tomato sauce as a stallion stopped screaming long enough to take a bite out of a recently crashed chunk of cheesy bread before then picking back up his screaming flight from the scene.

Darrus took a breath to ready himself for speech.

"This is... No gouda." He said aloud, smirking at himself in pride then glancing around to see if anyone had heard and been blown away by his amazing joke that would have shattered the minds of any who weren't prepared to be taught what real humor was.

No one had noticed.

Lame.

Oh well, Darrus decided, giving another stronjg flap of his wings to avoid a spray of juices and oils shooting from a newly ruptured fissure in the golems bread exoskeleton. Now this was just starting to get out of hand, and something had to be done! Someone had to do something to save this town from the mostrosity dirtying up the street and making things all weird and oily and gross in the way that onyl cheese could. But who? Who could poss-

"I do it!" Taking off like a shot, Darrus sped all the way up to the face of the golem, causing a momentary pause in the giant calzones destruction so as to allow it time to raise an eyebrow constructed from green bell peppers.

'Haha!" Darrus announced his clear assumption of the hero role, cloak billowing behind him in a sudden wind as he struck a strong airborne pose before the beast, "Stand down you delishly delectable devil! For I will give you but one chance to cease all this nonsense and situate yourself comfortably onto a large platter before forcing you to feel the wrath of the one, the only, the best, the dashing, the brave, the handsome, the magnetic, the electrifying..." the calzone was growing bored, "...the light in the darkness, the reliable alarm clock, the chariot the never breaks down, the sundae made just right, the impossibly impressively impressionable Dar-" A mighty swat from one of the golem's sizeable fist things sent the big mouthed stallion rocketing towards the ground where he did a fine job of forming a crater. After a moment, which was enough time for the golem to forget about Darrus and return to its menacing, a hoof popped out and was used to drag a wobbly Darrus half way out of the hole, him attempting to climb out before collapsing back to the ground.

"You think you can even brunch during the tornado that was my sunday...!" He sort of said, voice wavering with a clear tone of having completely lost any grasp on what year it was.

Offline Jazz

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2015, 01:02:28 am »
Once the older pony is in the relative safety of the coffee shop (with a few parting comments about whippersnappers or some such), Jazz takes a look around to see if anypony else needs help. Most of the bystanders have gotten out of the way by know, and at least one had apparently found the fallen cheese projectiles to irresistible to pass up having a few nibbles before scampering for cover. She did have to admit; looking at a nearby blob of mozzarella, marinara, and artichokes; it did look delicious... Maybe just a taste? No, no, not the time. Jazz shakes herself out of it and looks over at the delectable monster, just in time to see it swat a rusty-colored pegasus out of the air, but unfortunately not soon enough to have seen his dashing pose. He didn't seem hurt at least, rising up from the small crater he'd made, but he was clearly dazed, and much too close to the monster for Jazz's liking. She couldn't risk going in there to help him though, so she'd settle for distracting it long enough for him to get his wits about him. With a mighty toss of her magic, a plastic chair goes sailing toward the golem and colides with it's shoulder... and doing little more than denting it's crusty exterior. This is followed by several loud *pop*s, and one of the beverage sort, aimed around the creature's head. "Hey! You!" She calls, trying to get it's attention. "Goudoutahere!" She tries very hard to keep a straight face, but a few giggles slip out anyway as she takes off in the opposite direction of Darrus, the noises having been enough to draw the horrilicious monster's attention. She heads for the far side of the diner the beast had emerged from, now seemingly flooded with cheese, in the hopes of getting some cover from the blobs that keep being flung about. Unfortunately, she doesn't have much to throw over here, only being able to toss a couple loose rocks from the road, and a small-ish blob of it's own cheeses back at it. Jazz stops, thinking she's probably far enough away by now, thought the golem has finally fully wrenched itself free of the building by now, and has started lumbering forward. Thankfully it's not moving fast, and Jazz has time to notice the mare still stuck inside the diner, seemingly attempting to get the window open to escape the slowly rising sea of cheddar. She takes another look at the monster, then turns to help the mare get the window open.

Offline Dark Matter

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2015, 02:15:03 pm »
This day could have gone much better.

He could have not overslept on the first day of his new job.
He could have not forgotten to open the front door on his way out.
He could have not gotten lost while going to the first street to make his first delivery.

He could have avoided the rambunctious pegasus who had plucked a raincloud from who knows where in this otherwise clear sky and drenched him, ruining several of the letters that were still left in his bag.

At the very least, the pegasus could have waited until he was covered in this marinara sauce which he had no explanation for. Granted, he hadn't opened his eyes yet; he was too busy contemplating how much trouble it would be to get the stains out of his cape, not to mention all the shampoo his mane would take.

Dark Matter sighs and reaches up to clear his eye area with his hoof. He freezes as he hears a roar, suddenly not sure he WANTS to know what's going on. In the end he decides to risk it.

He stands blinking for a moment. He knows there's something he's supposed to do in case of giant monster attack, he just can't think of...

The bread golem roars. Oh yes, run, that was it. He'd have to pat himself on the back later.

He begins to wheel around, but something stops him; there's a mare running towards the building for some reason! Dark Matter shakes his head in dismay. He'd always been taught that stallions should never abandon mares in trouble, and that meant he couldn't just get away now. Besides, he'd look like a sissy.

He casts his eyes about for clues as to how he can help, but comes up with nothing. Falling back on old habits, he decides to conjure an illusion to distract the beast. Unfortunately suddenly all he can think of is an even more terrifying spaghetti monster, so that's what he makes. It seems to spring forth from the ground maybe twenty feet in front of the real monster, coils pushing up its meatball eyes over a mouth filled with breadstick teeth. It looks quite fake to anyone who has half an attention span to pay attention to, but hopefully it'll draw the beasts attention long enough for him to think of something useful to do.
All exists in darkness, save light; how can you call light more wondrous?

Offline Ryo

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2015, 08:34:19 am »
"How the...?" Ryo tried to get the window open, but she couldn't find any sort of lock on it. She didn't want to be prosecuted for breaking property of the restaurant. The cheese was quickly rising, and Ryo was running out of time. It was too late to go for the door, and there was no way she could reach any of the other windows in the room. Was this how it all ends? Was this the end of her story. Being drowned in... Cheese? What a sad way to go indeed. Ryo was ready to make her last speech to the monstrous sea of grossness, on how it was about to claim her, but at that same moment Ryo spotted another pony coming towards the window. Ryo forgot her speech immediately, and waved to the mare in panic, not fully aware it was indeed her the other mare had seen from the outside. As the unknown hero began to open the window, Ryo accidentally knocked one of her earplugs off, and heard a roar coming from inside the building. This roar coming from a huge wave of cheese, a tidal wave, that was coming towards her. With no time to wasted, Ryo hears a faint click and takes a leap of faith, jumping towards the window, that fortunately had been unlocked from the outside now by the other pony (Seriously, who locks their windows from the outside?). Ryo lands on top of Jazz, and they both roll away from the window, far enough to avoid the gooey cheese now pouring out from the window Ryo just jumped out of.

After all the stars circling around Ryo's head had popped, she shook her head and looked at the pony who saved her. Ryo managed to open her mouth enough to say "Thank you-" before another roar filled the air. Ryo Eeeped, and began to look around, soon spotting the huge, cheese golem on the other side of the restaurant building. "W-w-wh-what is that...?" Ryo asked from nopony in particular, just letting the question fly out there, for anypony to answer.

Offline Darrus

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2015, 10:05:45 am »
The giant golem of bread and mozzarella was not too pleased to first be antagonized by some puny unicorn throwing its own cheese at it and then be challenged by the sudden appearance of a giant spaghetti monster. The shrieking from the ponies scattered about the ground briefly heightened in pitch as the golem, not wanting to be shown up at his own debut, stomped forward to wrastle with the noodly illusion. It's wild and brutish swings were failing to make any truly solid contact due to the spaghetti not being real, though this was merely dismissed by the golem as it being a tad too slippery for the calzone to get a grasp on right away.

Meanwhile, back in his pony shaped crater, Darrus was slowly regaining his faculties, the pegasus having fallen back into the hole he'd created sometime around the appearance of the illusion distracting this weeks monster. He gave a low groan and tried to climb back out, his hooves struggling to lift him as he was slowly beginning to remember that he had himself a pair of incredibly well toned and handsome wings, or so he'd go on to describe them in his memoirs that he had recently decided to maybe someday kind of write if he felt like it sort of.

With a few flaps he was able to finally escape the crater, coming to a wobbly landing a few feet away and shaking his head to clear it.

"Don't worry!" he loudly said, swinging a hoof over dramatically in the direction of a nearby mare attempting to flee, her pausing with a short screech of her hooves as he spoke, "I'm perfectly fine! I've taken far worse, and a simple crash landing at terminal velocity is mere child's play for this stallion! Now get your camera ready, as I think it's about time I do something jaw dropping!" Here Darrus took off into the sky, the mare just blinking in confusion before screaming once again and resuming her terrified flight.

"Alright, you," Darrus reached for his belt nicely hidden beneath his cloak, his hoof making its way towards the sheathe of one of the few things he's owned for the longest of times, "let's see how you like thiiiiiiuuuhhhhh...?"

Gone. Of course! Wher-oh, right, Lamplight had it. Locked away somewhere at her place. Welp! How is a stallion of such presence supposed to defeat giant calzone golems without a dagger!? Many a times he'd argued this very thing with AJ back on the farm, and yet never had he gained ground when it came to carrying it on his person like he'd wanted. Well, look who's laughing now! Not Darrus, cause he isn't armed!!

Hmm...

Ah, yes, of course! He cou- a sudden dive in the air to avoid a large marinara soaked appendage, Darrus' flying having brought him a bit closer than he'd realized to the golem and the other thing he was only just now realizing existed. Two monsters? Maybe he was hit harder than he'd assumed...

Anyway! This just meant he had all the more reason to check out the restaurant and see if they had themselves a cleaver or some such stashed in the kitchen, preferably behind some breakable glass and with a plaque reading "In case of shenanigans" set above it. Deciding this plan was destined to succeed exactly as described due to Darrus' having been the one to think it up, he fell into a dive to swoop into the building the golem had exited so recently, the hole it had left behind being plenty large enough for him to swiftly soar through.

Shoulder checking into the door leading to the kitchen, bouncing off, landing in the cheese, flapping wildly to get back out, succeeding, taking a moment to taste some of it and appreciate that it was delicious then shoulder checking the door again,Darrus managed to break into the kitchen where he then rummaged through the utensils not yet sunken to the bottom of the cheese flooding the place. Tossing aside stirring spoons and wisks, his searching seemed fruitless, Darrus wondering whether or not he should just detour to the Guiding Light for a couple minutes and test whether Lamplight would forgive a broken window at a time such as this.

Deciding it would take too long and subtract from his hero time, Darrus settled for grabbing hold of the nearest handle he could reach and rushing back outside, him rapidly gaining altitude and settling for being at eye level with the golem that was beginning to think that maybe that mass of noodles wasn't what it appeared to be.

"Haha!" Darrus once again shouted to try and grasp the dueling monsters attention, "Your doom has come once again after allowing you the first strike, now, prepare yourself!!"

With that Darrus swung forth his newly acquired weapon, it being revealed to be...

A spatula.

"Perfect..." Darrus muttered with a deepening expression of determination, "I can make this work..."

Offline Jazz

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2015, 08:01:51 pm »
It only takes a few moments for Jazz to notice the latch on the outside of the window. She doesn't have time to wonder about who's decision it was to put the lock on the outside, as she spots a veritable tidal wave of gruyere sweeping toward the poor trapped mare. Jazz flings the window open just in time, the blue mare throwing herself out immediately and bowling Jazz over. The two of them tumble away from the window just in time to miss the splattering of cheese. Jazz has the wind knocked out of her by the accidental flying tackle, and for a few moments she lays with her hooves stuck in the air. From this position she has a pretty good view of what's happening with the monster (albeit the wrong way around). The creature seemed to have thankfully been distracted from chasing her by the appearance of a second gustatory abomination, though this one seemed to have something off about it... other than being a giant pile of living spaghetti. Jazz blinks and flips herself around, giving the no-longer-trapped mare a grin and then a shrug. She didn't have any more idea what was going on than her rescuee does, really. Out of danger for now, Jazz takes a few moments to observe just what is happening. The two monsters seem to just be flailing at each other for now. Above them, it seemed that the pegasus had recovered and was now hovering about shouting something at them, though Jazz can't quite make it out over the sound of giant monsters fighting and screaming bystanders. She spots a stallion that seems much more calm than the others as the rusty pegasus darts into the building, and turns to the other mare for a moment. "Come on!" She says, and starts heading over toward Dark Matter.

Offline Dark Matter

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Re: This Dish is Killer
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2015, 12:33:58 pm »
Dark Matter blinks against the sweat from the effort of maintaining the illusion... or was it sauce? No matter, either one getting in his eye would hurt. Possibly like the proverbial Dickens.

His concentration lapses, though, when he sees a pegasus fly forth heroically from the wreckage of the building, brandishing a... something... weapon of some sort... that glints in the sun. He seemed to be taunting the beast, although Dark couldn't hear what he was saying; something incredibly awesome and dramatic, no doubt. What a cool pegasus.

The neglected illusion quickly dissolves into thin air without any focus on it, granting apparent victory to the Calzolem (working title, he'll come up with a better name for it later).

Dark Matter turns to check on the unicorn mare who had run to the building for some reason to find that she'd found a friend and was heading towards him now. Satisfied that she was probably safe now, he turned to leave... until he remembered the pegasus. He couldn't let that guy have the spotlight all to himself.

He blows out of the corner of his mouth to dislodge a tomato chunk; he didn't exactly cut a terribly heroic figure covered in this stuff. Alas, there's no time to do anything about it now.

He nods to the approaching mare(s). "You ladies had best make yourselves scarce. This could get-" He sets his hooves and begins charging a spell. "-messy."

He even manages not to chuckle.
All exists in darkness, save light; how can you call light more wondrous?

 


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