What If... > What If...

Blowing Up the Moon for Funsies

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Night had fallen, the air carrying a small chill as Winter crawled closer and begun to slowly but surely freeze the city and cause most ponies to remain indoors to avoid the myth of catching a cold from the weather alone. Fires were stoked, stews cooked and comfy talks over hot cocoa shared between the mares and stallions of Canterlot as they settled in for another cozy evening of being embraced by the warmth of a fire, family's love or other, but one place was not so warm nor so cozy and was far from comfy that night.

Deep in the city, among mostly abandoned buildings left in disrepair due to damage being inflicted upon them almost as commonly as the rising of the sun, sat a workshop, the windows dark as no lights - aside from small ones of varying colors attached to many odd shapes in the shadows - being lit within to give any hint of the goings on inside. This was because the work being done inside this building was not meant for civilians to witness, most of whom already knowing to avoid this dangerous location like it bore a plague, only the bravest of few having dared venture inside, all of whom being kicked right back out with new and annoying boo boos granted by the many machines and gadgets inside to show for their foolishness.

Only one pony was able to come and go from this place as he pleased. One pony who could not only find safety in such a madhouse of twisted and malicious technology, but was also the one responsible for it to begin with. The master of this den of inconveniences and menacing plans. The most diabolical of super villains the country had ever had the misfortune to go "Oh, so he's a thing I guess" towards...

A small green stallion wearing orange goggles, a small black cape with matching top hat for dramatic exits and entrances, and a fake mustache perfect for twirling in devilish delight.

Haywire, the pinnacle of villainy, was currently standing atop a platform of scurry metal with spook lights all over it as he cackled like a madpony and let his hooves move as blurs across the controls of the really big and square thingie he'd built, it taking up a large portion of the workshop and feeding into a second machine shaped more like a dome beside it.

"It's almost time, Bubo!" he squealed in glee, his mechanical henchbird cawing in a reply beside him as it adjusted the eyepatch and pirate hat it wore to the best of it's ability, "Soon, we will finally achieve something never before thought possible by our generation! A feat so incredible that it will be known from this night onwards as the night where everything changed! We! Will! Reach! The! MOON!

"And blow it up!" he tagged on for exposition purposes, Bubo locking up afterwards and falling to the metal platform with a clank as Hay worked to punch in the finishing commands to the process of lunar destruction. His machine groaned as he reached for its final lever, "And now! Everypony who ever called me crazy will witness just how crazy I am! Crazy with science! With crazy science! SCIENCE CRAZY!" A long string of laughter left him as he gave the lever a tug, all of this culminating in...



Hay gave the a confused grunt then scratched his mane and pulled on the same lever a few more times. Huh... He was certain this was going to work...

"Bubo!" Hay called out in annoyance, his bird side kick remaining a statue on the ground as it gave a weak chirp, "Explain! I thought I told you to test drive this thing on that barn down in Ponyville! Why isn't this working?! What happened!?"

Bubo decided it best not to try and explain how it was impossible for him to move something so large by himself.

"Grr! All my plans! All my dreams of changing history and somehow becoming rich from this are all crashing down around me! Why me? whyyyyyy!?" on that last note of self pity the machine woke up, sending a tremor through its entire mass as it stirred and began to perform its duty of readying the workshop for what it should have always been meant to do from the start!

The roof began to split down the middle, each half slowly pulling back to reveal the night sky above, the countless stars shimmering and reflecting off of Hay's goggles as he grinned up at them. The dome thing next to the platform began to rise up, extending itself higher and higher until it cleared the roof and towered above, Hay's cape billowing in some random wind as the domes highest point then also opened up so as to extend out the barrel of his destructive machine and aimed for the large sphere reflecting light down and onto the city. Steam was released from many vents of both the dome and the platform, pistons kept their rhythm, gears spun, smoke rose from a number of cracks and, more importantly, electricity arced as the machine charged itself up.

"Yes!" Hay cheered as blue arcs moved up and down the barrel that was slowly adjusting its aim, "Yes! Finally! It's almost time! The moment is almost here! The world will finally get a true taste of what my science is capable of! You will all see! do you hear me! You will all see!!" nopony heard since he had no neighbors, but Hay didn't care, his excitement and joy for the coming event eclipsing the reality of his talking mostly to himself as he counted down the moons final moments.

Just one blast and the moon would be history! And nopony could stop it! Maybe!

Hay laughed some more.

This was fun. He gave Bubo a small nudge to check on him then began to twirl his mustache in the most villainous way he could.

Dark Matter:
Patrol Officer Dark Matter shivered against a seemingly random breeze as it tore through the night. He wished the armor provided just a little bit more cover. His storyteller senses tingled; that breeze was just enough to send a villain's cape billowing! There must be crime afoot!

He peered around suspiciously. He was alone tonight; his partner had caught a cold (which he blamed on the weather) and opted to stay home. Regulation stated that he should take another officer, but he didn't care. More exciting things happen when you're on your own, that's basic drama FACT, and nopony will know if you just decide to take a short break.

Seeing nothing overtly villainous in the immediate vicinity, he decided to follow his instincts, which said... This way! He began galloping in the direction his instincts said before he begins hearing the rumblings of a no-doubt evil machine. In the completely opposite direction. Cursing under his breath, he wheeled about, tripping over his regulation pike as he did so. He did really hate the thing; heroes had swords, or knives, or hoofblades, or what have you, while the spear was for no-name soldiers who did nothing but bungle everything up and possibly get saved. He'd have to remember to have another talk with his commander about that.

He galloped on, into a district of mostly uninhabited buildings in various states of decrepitness. Near the center, he could see blue flashes from some unknown source, probably eldritch, sinister, or some mix of the two. Whatever the source, it appeared to be hidden behind the walls of the building in front of him, which in turn appeared to have some sort of huge... pole sticking out of it? Almost like...

A cannon!

From the inside, he could swear he could hear a villainous cackle even above the machinery. He slowed, feeling a little apprehensive. That's a pretty evil pony if their laugh is louder than their doomsday devices.

He decided not to follow proper protocol, and instead just barge in uninvited and unannounced. Heroes don't say they're there to stop the villain until they can actually see them, after all, and they most certainly don't ask permission. He does more or less regret making his entrance so hasty, though, as he tripped over the entranceway, unknowingly dodging a barrage of marbles shooting over his head by one of the dastardly devices guarding the lair. He stood up in time, however, to catch a wave of what seemed to be mostly pots and pans coming from where the marbles shot, the tide of cookery pulling him deeper into the workshop.

He hopes this isn't loud enough for the dastardly villain to hear. Heroes are heralded by their own heroic decree of challenge, not by the dishes their mothers couldn't get them to clean.

In one of the houses located in a more populated area, mostly being populated by lesser nobles, was a fairly good conditioned house, that instead of being fully lit with light from candles and fireplaces, was simply illuminated by a single candle in one of the side windows. If one would take a look inside, they would only spot a oldish looking pony sitting in a arm chair, reading a book. This was, however only an illusion, to make the house look populated. In reality, the only living pony in the residence was located multiple feet underground. In a secret lair of a known hero, Supermare.

However, the pony present there was not the real Supermare. The real hero was currently recovering from an severe accident including an unicycle, that left her with four broken hooves, broken horn and somehow even an broken tail. Instead, in the secret lair of the Supermare, a blue unicorn sat on a small chair, staring at a red crystal, that would warn the hero of terrible evil that possibly was or was not happening. The lair was filled with various gadgets, some small, others big, their sole purpose was to aid the Supermare in stopping crime and evil doers. There was a big display mannequins, that held few outfits of the hero, all identical to each others, and on one wall was a big, tube like contraption, that teleported the Supermare out from the lair, without it's location being revealed to possible bypassers.

Ryo looked nervous as she stared at the crystal. Besides few small pickpocket and burglars, that Ryo somehow managed to stop, she hadn't been alarmed to perform other heroic deeds on the streets of Canterlot. She had been the first one to arrive on the spot when the real Supermare got hurt, and was in that spot named as her follower, to keep up the good reputation of the Supermare while the other mare was recovering in the hospital. Ryo was idly naming all the fruits she could remember, when suddenly the crystal came to life, began to sound a ear piercing alarm and flash red. Ryo panicked and fell down from the chair. After the alarm went quiet, the crystal began to show a faint image of the crime being committed. Ryo stumbled for a moment before she managed to get back on her hooves and look at the crystal again. Ryo saw a greenish pony, somewhat silly suited in her opinion, laughing manically as a big machine was slowly coming to life. The picture then "zoomed" out, showing the entire building shifting. Ryo had no idea what or where the place was, but she managed to see the street name on the crystal. With that she would hopefully find this, most likely villainy villain. She just hoped they wouldn't bee too villainy.

Ryo quickly pulled on the Supermare's outfit. It kinda looked like a jumpsuit of sorts, with a hood. She then wrapped the gadget belt around her waist, attached the cape around her neck, pulled the boots on her hooves and finally placed a mask on her face. With one final gulp, Ryo stepped to the teleporter, and she was off to stop the evil villain of evil villainousness. The teleporter made a loud noise, before the scenery around Ryo changed completely. She was now standing in the Canterlot's central park, or the central park's fountain, to be exact. The teleporter was still kinda new to her, and she didn't know how to use it properly yet. Ryo didn't let this small mishap stop her, as she mustered all her courage and galloped towards the house that she saw in the crystal. She had to stop by few houses couple of time though, to ask directions to the address she had seen, and it took her a moment to find the right place.

Ryo took a pair of binoculars from her tool belt and observed the house, and the cannon-like thing still raising from inside it from a nearby roof. Ryo failed to spot a guard entering the building, as she had just stopped her recon operation, and returned the binoculars to her belt. Ryo took a hook shot from her belt. She shot the hook on a nearby streetlight, and after doing a small hoof pump for hitting the thing on her first try, Ryo swinged herself over the street, and to the raising roof of the evil house. She activated magnets on her boots, that allowed her to land on the roof and get a good grip on it. Or at least that's how she planned it. Ryo only saw a rather slim metal pipe running along the roof, on the edge of the other half of the opening roof, and without thinking aimed all her hooves to it. She failed to keep her balance, and instead spun down and was now hanging upside down, her hooves still firmly planted on the pipe. Now that she was technically inside the evil house, Ryo saw the villainy mastermind behind the possible crime that was most likely gonna happen, and she said with somewhat shaky voice

"S-stop right there... E-evil v-villain..."

Potato Ponie:
Idaho, a potato farmer from Ponyville, was trotting home from the store. It was a bit late, but Idaho's train had been delayed so he'd gotten to Canterlot much later than he thought and there was a really long line at the local P-Mart. He was in Canterlot to buy some new equipment since "Farm Tools and Grappling Hooks" was out of farm tools for some reason. They sold two things. Farm tools and grappling hooks. And they ran out. Yep. Idaho also was in need for a little R-and-R so he was probably going to head up here soon anyways.

Idaho's path to the hotel he was staying in for the weekend happened to cross some abandoned buildings. Idaho was making sure he got everything he needed when he noticed a giant cannon-y thing rise from a building. Then a random guard appeared and barged into the building. Then a superhero grappling hooked in there. Was Twilight Sparkle going to fly in now? Maybe Discord teleports in and floods the building with mashed potatoes? Actually, that'd be pretty sweet. Idaho was a little hungry.

Well, now the question was whether Idaho should investigate. Wellllllllll.... Eh. Why not? Dinner could wait a minute. Idaho trotted into the building after the guard, who had already activated all the cookery based traps.

Woodwind perches upon the roof of a nearby abandoned building, his dark brown duster flapping dramatically in the wind and hoof hoof up to keep the wide-brimmed hat on his head. This seemed to happen to him often when he arrives somewhere, for some reason, and it was usually a sign that there were evildoers afoot. The pony in question was obviously whoever owned that workshop with the large, lightning covered device sticking out of the roof. If he listens closely he can even hear laughter above the sound of the machinery, of the kind a pony makes when their evil plan is about to go into motion. And he just couldn't let that happen, now could he? He eyes the workshop for a few moments more, and is not entirely surprised when he sees a number of other ponies showing up. A guard, and that what looks like just a regular pony go in through the front door, and was that Supermare on the roof? He squints a bit as she topples over into the house. Maybe it wasn't her after all, he supposes he hadn't had a good look at her in the dark. Either way, he'd better get inside himself, or he'd miss all the fun. He takes off, angling for an open window rather than risk being hit by some stray lightning if he attempted to go in through the roof. There aren't even any traps or anything in the window, and he easily makes it inside. Now, to find that mad pony and bring him to justice! Woodwind sets off into the sea of strange mechanical devices, but he only makes it a few steps when he's suddenly grabbed by a large machine covered in sinister spikes and ominously glinting lights! The next thing he knows he's upside down and completely wrapped in what seems to be a single, extremely long and impossibly tangled slinky. He struggles against it for a few moments, but it's just too tightly wrapped. If he could curse loudly, now would be the time to do it! Instead, he just keeps trying to wriggle his way out of the tangled mess, though his progress is slow.


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